The Good Word Is No!

The new “good”  word =  NO. 

Because women tend to be helping and nurturing creatures, we often find it hard to say no.  We often end up wanting to help everyone, while sacrificing our own needs.  When this happens consistently, we find ourselves overwhelmed, crabby, short tempered, or exhausted.  Learning to prioritize what’s important, combined with the ability to “say no” without guilt or bad feelings are essential skills. 

This is stating the obvious, but bears repeating:  it is impossible to say yes to everything we are asked.  We are not Super Woman, though we see her depicted on TV.  I’m  going to help you learn an easy way to say NO to requests you cannot or do not wish to do. 

Here’s an example: A client of mine was struggling with one of HER clients.  Her client wanted her to turn an emergency project around over the weekend – and didn’t let her know this until 4 PM on Friday!
 
My client had plans to take her children to the beach for the weekend.  She wanted desperately to help her client, but didn’t want to spend her limited one on one time with her children on her Blackberry or laptop. 
 
I recommended the “USA METHOD.”  It’s easy to remember, and easy to implement!

THE USA ACRONYM STANDS FOR:

U=Understanding.  Empathize with the person asking you for something.  In this case, my client told her client that she understood the emergent need of the project and reiterated the deadlines the client wanted her to meet. 

S=Situation.  She then explained her situation briefly, but honestly.  She stated she was unavailable over the weekend and why.

A=Alternatives.  She then told her client what she could do for him.  She suggested blocking out Sunday night when she returned for the project, and committed to meeting the deadline by Monday afternoon. 

In my client’s case, she took control of the situation before letting the client stress her or get her to agree to something she knew she wouldn’t be able to complete without sacrificing something important to her.  We don’t always have to say no, but we do need to take control of what is realistic for us to complete, and without the guilt!  In many cases, the “Alternative” in the USA method works for both parties.   

Without being able to be honest about your needs and say no, you are making the needs of the other person more important than your own.  Saying yes without considering the real cost behind it is a trait of passivity, and often leads to resentment and anger.  The USA method is a strategy for assertiveness. 

Share your success stories, a time when you needed to be assertive and say NO!